The End of Left Wing Politics in the UK

"The Tories aren't that bad, right? Why should I have to pay taxes for other people? I can't stand scroungers. Miliband's a useless moron who can't even speak properly, how can he run a country? I like the Sun, it's funny and easy to read. It's not that deep. You're not homeless, or poor, or dying, and if you work hard enough there's no reason to worry. The Tories aren't that bad."

The general election for the UK happened yesterday. Polls had decided it would be a hung parliament with Labour and the Conservatives neck and neck at 34% each. But at 10pm the exit poll was announced and painted a very different story- and the reality being even worse.

"What was the point on even packing, eh?"

Conservatives- 331 seats

Labour- 232 seats

SNP- 56 seats

Liberal Democrats- 8 seats

DUP- 8 seats

UKIP- 1 seats

Greens- 1 seat

The results show a slim majority for the Conservatives, a disappointing loss for Labour, a shocking landslide in Scotland and a battered corpse with a yellow rosette.

The Conservatives managed to get more than 100 seats than their opposition- shocking, considering the dog's dinner they have made of the UK. And yet, it's ordinary people that continue to vote for them.

SILLY BOYS

left to right- George Osborne, Boris Johnson and David Cameron

The Bullingdon Boys are now the Conservative Cabinet- power certainly gets you places. From smashing up restaurants in Oxford to smashing up lives nationally, they have certainly progressed! I applaud them for being so determined to hurt people and being successful in doing so.

NHS cuts have meant 5000 nurses have lost their job. 8% was taken off the already poor mental health department. A&E waiting times are longer than ever. GPs are becoming less efficient in spotting diseases and disorders in patients. Cuts to emergency services mean it is taking longer and longer for ambulances to arrive in situations- the waiting time could be the difference between permanent damage and a few nights in hospital.

Food banks are booming- one opened near me. Never did I think that the progressive, first world Great Britain would have people struggling so badly that they needed food banks. How long before people are paid in food coupons?

University fees were tripled yet... There were losses made? "Write-offs have cost 45% of the £10bn in student loans made each year" reports the Guardian. Whose smart idea was this? Only George Osborne, seen tripping on drugs in Prime Minister's Questions and overspending in several departments. The most capable man in economics available, I'm sure you would agree, with an O Level in Mathematics and a 2:1 bachelor's degree in Modern History. But it's from Oxford! So surely he's totally capable. It's not like he went to private school and couldn't have his place arranged rather than actually work like all the ~state school kids~ there.

Osborne having great fun in the Commons

I just love the prospect of working myself to death. Zero-hour contracts on a minimum wage that actually isn't enough to live on due to inflation. But I'll have the National Health Service Inc. there to pick up the pieces when I'm a elderly person- that is, if I have sufficient insurance! American contractors are lining up to just have a slice of the NHS. Thatcher began to dismantle it, and now Cameron's here to finish off Mummy Maggie's legacy. I'm just dying for the opportunity to take a test to see if I deserve benefits even if I'm days from death. We have "bright future" ahead of us.

THIS IS THE END

Cartoon by Steve Bell

Perhaps Miliband was wrong trying to direct Labour to a slightly less swing-voter type territory. Maybe the #Milifandom harmed his image. Maybe he should have declined an interview with Russell Brand. Maybe the memes made him look even more of a joke than the "tough enuss" and bacon sandwich incidents.

Or maybe we should stop relying on image to decide on a leader. If you want a beauty contest, you can fuck off to the United States where people voted Bush because he looked like a nice guy and capable of running a country- which he proved he could, running it straight into another useless war. Cameron certainly knows the importance of image; he was in PR himself and knows Miliband's very weakness is just being himself.

The Greens were set to take more than one seat, but they failed in that respect. The Liberal Democrats were certainly set to take more than a mere 8; the exit poll stated 10 but they even fell short of that. They stated the party were expecting losses- as you should when making a coalition with opposition and then not pushing any of your own policies from the agreement.

This may well be the end of the Liberal Democrats for a long while.

Cartoon by Gary Barker

We have witnessed the slaughter of the left and prosperity for the right. The 2015 was apparently the first multi-party election, yet the result says something very different. We should certainly brace ourselves and hope that we don't lose our job, become sick, want to go to university or benefit off public services. Because what's the point? Why should you pay? You worked hard for your money and you deserve it, just like the bankers and their well deserved bonuses of millions. What's the function of tax? We should scrap it all together. As Thatcher said, there is no such thing as society. It's not the government's fault cuts and greed ruined your life.

But for now it is too little, too late. We must come together and truly hold the government to account instead of this participation crisis these generations suffer from. We must make the Tories cower in fear at the power of the people, because as a nation we have truly lost this- and we need it back, ASAP.